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My Tips and Tricks

Raising Your Blood Children and Non Blood Children In The Same Home Tips

By May 10, 2017 Family Life, General, My Tips and Tricks

Growing up I didn’t know my real father (I still do not know him) but, I had an amazing Dad.  Some of you may not understand that statement but, a parent who raises a child blood or not is still a parent! To me the term step-mom or step-dad sounds harsh.  I called my “step-dad” Dad, most people didn’t even know he wasn’t my birth father until I told them.  I feel the same goes for Children too.  If you are not the child’s biological parent you don’t have to call them your step-daughter/son or your step-children.  Instead you can just claim them as your own.  I mean you are involved in their lives and are helping to raise them.  My dad has always called my siblings and I his children.  Made us feel accepted and loved.  My whole point, is that you should treat your family equally and if you have “step-children” claim them as your own.  Nothings feels better than being accepted by those you love!

Here are a few tips:

  1. Involve all children in your home in decision making and or family votes. Let them have a voice too. 
  2. Make sure to use the same punishments on your own children as you do your significant other’s children.  You do not want any child, yours or your significant others child/ren to feel as if they are treated differently or more harshly.  Be fair and concise.
  3. Take one day a week to spend one on one time with each child and talk about them and what is going on in their life.  Get involved
  4. If you are at a point to express love to your significant others child/ren then, tell them you love them.  Don’t make them say it first or feel as if they are not loved because you are not sure how to express yourself.  Just do it!!!  Express your love 
  5. Do not and I repeat Do not talk bad about their parent/s whether it is your child/ren’s or your significant others child/ren’s parent/s!  No child deserves to here any negativity or your opinion about someone they love and who loves them back even, if you do not like them!  By the same token do not let any child living under your roof or staying part-time under your roof talk bad about their parent/s!  Teach Respect and Manners
  6. Do not and I again I repeat Do Not argue in with other parent/s in front of your child/ren this, just shows them that it is okay to lash out and in turn they might feel that it’s okay.  Set a good example
  7. Let your child/ren all know that they can come to you and count you whether it is good or bad!!  Show interest, humility, and compassion

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How to get along with ex’s significant other/spouse!

By May 6, 2017 Family Life, General, My Tips and Tricks

For me getting to know the person who is going to be in my child’s life is very important.  I know that some of you out there are like: “OH HELL NO! No other man/woman is gonna help raise my child!!”  Well, I am sorry but, that is the wrong attitude to have especially, if you care about your child.  At this point it is not about you or your ex it is about your child and helping them through the process of being in two different homes.  Also, letting them know that you both love your child but, things did not work out between mommy and daddy.

So, here are a few tips from my experience:

  1. Show interest in ex’s relationship, not to be nosy either; but, because you want to know the potential step parent in your child’s life.
  2. Talk to potential step parent about life where they come from and where you come from. Build a relationship with this person and become friends. Hell, if they are in it for the long hall make them like family to you.
  3. Share stories, laugh, joke, cry, and let them know that it is o.k. for them to help raise your child.
  4. Once they have been in your child’s life for awhile and you’ve gotten to know them, let them know how much you appreciate them and their help. Realize as hard as it is for you, it is just as hard on them.  A step parent doesn’t have to be there for your child, they chose to be.  Always, Always remember that.
  5. Try not to label them either. For example, I do not call Kiara’s dad’s wife step mom; I call her Kiara’s other mom 🙂 and when I am being funny I call her my baby momma lol 🙂
  6. Do things together, call each other and chat about life, and vent to each other when you need too. Why not that’s what family is for and if you don’t want to call them family then hey, that’s what friends are for.
  7. Never look at it like it’s not your responsibility to get involved with the ex’s significant other because it is.  Just as much as it is for them to be involved when you move on too.
  8. Just remember too that you are setting an example for your children and for when they become adults.  You don’t want to teach them any childish games.  And you don’t want to teach them to disrespect either one of you.  So, start by showing them how to be respectful!! 🙂

I honestly have built a relationship with both of the other women in  my life my ex’s wife and my husband’s daughter’s mom.  And I love them both and I respect them both.  To me that’s what makes one big happy family without drama and with a whole lot of teamwork!!  Communication is key!!

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4 Major tips to help a split family home!

By April 25, 2017 Family Life, General, My Tips and Tricks

If your a family that is split up into different homes or maybe soon to be split up then, these tips are for you.  As I have previously stated my family is a multi- split family.  What I mean by that is: My husband has a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship in life, I have an 11 year old daughter from a past relationship, and we have a 14 month old daughter together.  In today’s world this has become more and more common.  It’s not that I am promoting it because trust me I wish we weren’t a split family.  It’s just that these things do happen and it doesn’t have to be the end of the world.  You can make it work and more importantly make it work for your children.  Who by the way didn’t ask to be put in between whatever happened in your relationship/s.

Here are a few tips on how to make this type of family work:

  1. Forgive: whatever happened in your relationship that caused you to split leave it behind.  Forgive each other and move on things happen.  We all make mistakes and or sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be.  Do not keep your child away from the other parent unless for good reason.  For example: other parent is abusive or on drugs.  Him/ Her having a new significant other is no excuse get over it.  That is just jealousy and do you really want to keep your child from their parent who loves them over your jealousy? No!
  2. Agree on household Rules: Do not try to play the good parent your only hurting your kids and without realizing it you are making your children dislike one of their parents.  Wrong and when they get older they will realize it and then it will take some time for them to forgive you for hurting them like that.  For example: if dad does not like your child watching R rated movies and staying up past 9 then make that same rule in your house.
  3. Communicate: don’t assume that whatever your child says is the truth. Not that your kids lie it’s just that sometimes they do not fully understand and they repeat things wrong etc.  For example: My daughter told her father that I didn’t give her a bath in the 4 weeks she was here lol.  He got mad of course which, I did not give her a bath the whole time she was here, she took showers lol.  He didn’t ask her if she had showers.
  4. Spend time together as one big family:  go to a park, out to eat, to a movie, etc.  For Example:  My husbands 14 year old daughter wanted to go to a haunted hay ride for Halloween and her mom wanted to take her.  My husband had to work but, I wanted to go too so, I went with with her and met up with her mom and her mom’s boyfriend and 3 other children.  We had a blast and I got to know her mom, mom’s boyfriend, and her 3 other siblings. Which, is a part of her too.

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